I’m a grandfather now. Two times more. My daughter Devyn has a girl and a boy. I have a granddaughter and a grandson. Over the past two decades, she has represented the most impactful change in how I see myself in the grand scheme of things, even more so than the sale of Primal Kitchen. I still remember the day I met my granddaughter. Looking at that little girl, barely aware of what was happening, I realized that something huge had happened. Things would never be the same again.
We talk a lot about genetic expression around here. The entire Primal Blueprint is designed to take advantage of the environment to create the best possible stimulus for your genes. Genes turn on and off based on the environmental stimuli they encounter: the food you eat, the sleep you get, the sun you expose yourself to, the exercise you do, the chemicals you interact with. What on paper might seem like a “bad gene” can be mitigated, nullified, or even turned into something positive with the right environmental stimuli. And more often than not, emulating an ancestral environment will trigger those positive changes in gene expression and set you up for good health, fitness, and happiness.
If something as simple as the oil you use for cooking can alter gene expression, what about meeting your grandchild for the first time? Because having children is one thing. It’s great, it’s extremely life-changing, it changes your life and you’ll never be the same again, but there’s a real generational transition of the mind that takes place when your kids have kids.
Your genes finally have a sense of closure. “You’ve done it. You’ve really done it.” Because after all, from the perspective of natural selection, having children is not enough. Passing your genes to the next generation is not enough. No, your genes want to be passed on too to the next generation, only to “know” that the line will continue. It has not just been one more generation, but two more. That portends good things to come. That is the promised land for your heritage. Do you mean to tell me that your genes Don’t you notice the change?
The first thought is how fast life goes by. She feels like Devyn was 12 just a few years ago and we were attending soccer games, working on class projects, and boogie boarding with her brother Kyle at Zuma Beach in Malibu. She is now a wife and mother and is on her way to starting her own family. The compression of time that occurs retroactively in the mind seems almost unfair. Did I say enough? Did I appreciate or enjoy it enough in real time? And then, of course, here I am now, at 70 years old, playing Ultimate Frisbee, stand-up paddling, riding a fat tire bike, and chasing it around the gym. So on another level, my Primal mind is fighting the reality that I’m a grandfather and maybe it’s time to step back a bit. Because becoming a grandparent is a great sign that you have done your part, played your role. And then what comes next?
The second thought is how miraculous life is; how this six-pound bundle of joy and love came to be a person so quickly and perfectly. I didn’t think much about it (or give it much perspective) when my own children were born. Now, suddenly, it blows my mind and provokes deeper reflection on the real meaning of life, love, responsibility and purpose. And this from a guy who cares about biology, evolution, and epigenetics, and who has always had a purely science-based answer to almost everything.
Holding that little girl made me believe that miracles happen. I still don’t know the origin of those miracles, I don’t know the source or if they can be explained in rational terms, but they absolutely exist.
Becoming a grandparent also imposes new roles on you. You are a father again, but a different kind of father. You have a new job to do and you better make the most of it and do the best job you can.
Keeping fit
You don’t want to be the grandparent relegated to a walker, a hospital bed, a wheelchair, or even just the couch. You want to be the vigorous grandfather who can play with his grandchildren. Throw the soccer ball. Coming down to play tea party. Throw them in the air, take them on adventures, go on hikes.
You need to stay fit, active and strong. Don’t be weak or fragile.
Pass it down
The classic role of the grandfather is to transmit knowledge. It could be physical knowledge: teaching skills like fixing cars, carpentry or cooking. That could be wisdom: imparting important life lessons and passing on advice from an era now lost to time.
This is more than tradition and culture. This is the biological role of the grandfather. That is why grandparents were preserved in the human species. That’s why we don’t drop dead once we stop being reproductively viable. We still have a role to play, and that is to impart knowledge and wisdom to our grandchildren.
Fulfill that role. You’ve come this far, which means you have something to pass on to your grandchildren. Find out what it could be and try to pass it on.
Pamper wisely
An important role of grandparents is to spoil their grandchildren, but it must be done correctly.
Pamper without spoiling. Expose them to the best and most pleasant things in life without tiring them or overdoing it. You want to make them happy, offer them things that mom or dad don’t want, without overwhelming them too much. And when it breaks, use only the best quality.
Offer high-quality ice cream instead of McDonald’s fake ice cream.
Give him good chocolate instead of chewy candies that stick to his teeth.
Watch a classic children’s movie with them on the couch instead of leaving them in front of Netflix.
Creates a warm atmosphere of peace and comfort.
“Grandma’s house” is more than a physical space. It is emotional, a barrier against everything difficult in the world. If a child’s home is both a place of refuge from the world and at the same time challenged to master it, where the child trains to rise in the world, grandma’s house is purely a refuge. Peace and warmth distilled, refined, concentrated. Grandma’s house is simply comfortable. comfortable, warm, cozy and safe.
Be a good father too
When you can, take the grandkids out for the night or overnight. Without enough free time to cultivate your marriage, the marriage suffers and the family (your grandchildren) suffers. Help with childcare whenever possible so your son or daughter has the space needed to keep your marriage strong.
Are you a grandfather? I’d love to hear your advice on raising Primal grandparents and your thoughts on what this role has meant in your life.
Thanks for reading everyone.
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