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When my children, now teenagers, were in elementary school, we asked them three questions at dinner: 1) What was the best part of your day?, 2) What was your biggest challenge? and 3) What did you bring to the table?
Sometimes my children groaned, but the questions provided them with an entryway to find words for both the easy and difficult parts of their experiences and emotions, and to see themselves as someone who had the opportunity, ability, and responsibility to make the world a little bit better.
Those same questions can serve as a helpful guide as we try to manage the heightened anxiety and general roller coaster of emotions that affect us during momentous election periods.
It’s no wonder that many people are feeling anxious: We live in a time when “breaking news” happens multiple times a day, with horrific events like an assassination attempt and multiple threats of political violence, constant headlines saying that democracy is at stake, criminal trials, shifting polls in key states, racist rhetoric, and extreme polarization that makes the “other side” seem scary and evil. At the same time, this election cycle has also filled many people with excitement and hope. It really is a roller coaster, the one constant of which is high levels of uncertainty.
So how can the three questions I tortured my kids with at dinner help us manage—and even harness—both painful and positive feelings in adaptive ways?
1) What was the best part of your day?
The meaning of this question will vary depending on your current emotional health. If your mental health is generally good, despite periodic stress from elections and other upsetting world events, then the question is about what brings you moments of joy or satisfaction. If you’re struggling with chronic anxiety or sadness, finding joy is a difficult task, so the question is more about what experiences bring you some relief or a slight lessening of pain. The goal is to think about how you can make those kinds of experiences happen more often. This isn’t a suggestion that you simply pursue hedonism. Behavioral Activation Therapy It emphasizes the importance of living according to your values and getting reinforcement from your activities—this can come from feeling good and having fun, but also from achieving your goals and being the person you want to be. The point is to calibrate your expectations about how good you are likely to feel given your broader circumstances and world events, be a mini-scientist about learning what leads to variations in your mood, and then be intentional about creating opportunities to find joy, relief, or achieve your goals.
For most of us, that will mean having a good balance in our lives, including some activities that allow us to take a break and have fun or relax, and some activities that help us feel productive and live in a way that is consistent with our values. During this time of uncertainty about the election, that may mean making sure you spend time with people who support you, distract you, or make you feel fulfilled, doing work that you find meaningful, or simply getting the relief of checking a nagging item off your to-do list. This will likely mean watching some “brain-exciting” shows on some days and taking long walks on other days.
For some people, talking about politics and their anxiety helps them feel better, while for others it has the opposite effect. I’m normally a conversational person, but my husband, not so much: the way he processes the madness of this election cycle is by avidly watching (and occasionally participating in) prediction markets about the election, where he finds satisfaction in monitoring the ever-changing odds of which candidate will win. I have other friends and family who take long breaks from political news. There’s no right way to do it—you have to learn what works for you and recognize that what works for you one day may not work for you another day. My balance between fun/relaxing/active/productive/meaningful activity needs varies widely depending on how tired I am, how stressed I feel about other aspects of my life, and the craziness of the current news cycle.
2) What was your biggest challenge?
This question helps us determine when and why we are struggling. Challenges are not bad, but they do require an assessment of what the situation demands, whether you have the resources to meet those demands, and if not, determining how to get there. It may be that the biggest challenge related to your election anxiety comes when you are reading the news or getting stuck. fatal displacement On social media. If so, setting limits on how often you check the news, how much time you spend browsing your phone, or planning breaks when you don’t have your phone can be very helpful. Another option is to actively seek out more positive news on the internet and shift your feed algorithm toward stories that cheer you up, calls to action, and more. Displacement of hope.
In other cases, the biggest challenge related to election anxiety may be indirect. For example, managing a difficult workload or a difficult conversation about a relationship can be doubly challenging if you are sleep deprived because of your anxiety. In that case, Managing your dream The elections may be the most beneficial. For others, the biggest challenge is not related to a negative news or result, but to the reality that we do not have an election result at the moment and will not have one for quite some time. November seems incredibly close and, at the same time, eerily far away! Tolerating uncertainty It is a big challenge for many people, especially those vulnerable to anxietyIn that case, it’s critical to use strategies to manage the worry and catastrophic thinking that are often associated with uncertainty, including thinking about how to realistically cope with different outcomes and recognizing that not knowing doesn’t mean something bad will happen.
3) What did you contribute?
It may seem counterintuitive to be asked how you will contribute, given that this article is about ways to manage your difficult emotions tied to elections, but some of the most powerful things we can do to feel better involve: helping others and expressing gratitudeAdditionally, taking action rather than withdrawing is often more effective at changing our mood. If that action is tied to the election, it can also provide a sense of control and purpose because it counteracts the helplessness we often feel tied to big events. For me, that has meant donating and volunteering to text unregistered voters to support a candidate I care about. If taking more direct political action isn’t your thing, you can also take action in many other ways that aren’t as overtly political. For example, if you care deeply about immigration issues, you can reach out to one of the many organizations that support refugees and help with a clothing drive. If you’re passionate about health care, volunteer at a local hospital or simply bring cookies or flowers to a friend or neighbor who is sick. The list of possible ways to help is endless, and the rewards are huge. We find meaning, live closer to our values, get out of our heads (and our bubbles!), reduce feelings of helplessness, and of course, help others.
Keep in mind that the goal is to manage (not eliminate) resentments and harness your full range of feelings to make healthy choices that work for you. This will inevitably involve some trial and error. There’s nothing wrong with feeling anxious about choices (or anything else)—it’s a natural, adaptive emotion that provides important communication when there are dangers in our environment—but you don’t want it regularly making decisions for you that make your world smaller and sadder. Anxiety loves to be the loudest voice in the room, so be sure to add other voices.
You can start by asking 3 simple questions at dinner tonight.
If you’re struggling with more severe or chronic anxiety or depression, or dealing with other mental health issues during this time, please reach out for help. There are many effective treatment options — ADAA.org is a good source for finding a therapist in your area or a telehealth option, and you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741).
